I think Fables and I are breaking up
Jan. 3rd, 2011 12:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
perpetual_motionI finally sat down and read Fables 100, and I'm actually disappointed I did. The whole thing just made me want to finally throw up my hands and say, "fuck this noise; I'm done."
Let's make a list, shall we?
1. The entire point of #100 was for Totenkinder and Mr. Dark to beat each other to a pulp, and while the battle was pretty badass, having it end with Totenkinder dying and just fucking LEAVING after Mr. Dark breaks through her box is just bad fucking story telling. She's leaving you say? The most powerful fucking witch in the Fables-verse is just wandering away because she fell in love with a guy while trying to figure out how to box Mr. Dark? Fuck that. And, of course, she does it pretty. She can't be her old woman self and get a hot, scarred guy. Nope, she's been down-aged to good looking. And she's leaving the fables to fend for themselves and fucking RUN from the guy she was SUPPOSED TO BEAT. Her epic fucking battle ended with the fables in the exact same circumstances they were before the battle. THE FUCK.
2. Moving from the good looking into more about good looking: Apparently the reason Nurse Spratt (of Jack and his wife fame) is such a huge bitch to everyone is because all the other women in Fabletown are hotties, and Spratt doesn't like it because she's fat, so she's hateful to everyone. Let me say this again: The reason Spratt is a bitch is because she's UGLY and doesn't like that other people are PRETTY. And I am flat-out disgusted with this. Fables has given its audience a collection of characters that are so much better defined then this. Why can't Spratt just be a bitch to be a bitch? Why does it have to be because she's a fattie and no one else is? This is lazy fucking writing.
3. When I read a comic, I want to read a comic. I do not want a six page story of fucking prose, okay? I can read prose all the time. I want to read and look at a comic, not just read a bunch of fucking text.
4. So, for it's 100th issue, the Fables's team decided to answer reader questions. They've done this before, and it's been cool. It gives you little mini-stories that are usually fun and kind of goofy. But this time? All the fans were famous people with something to plug. I'm not kidding. Apparently, Eddie Cahill from CSI: New York and some other people who are on television are fans, and while that's neat, answering ONLY questions from famous people pretty much shits on the entire fucking audience of the comic. Most of the people who read Fables are NOT famous people, and the repeated mention of not just the famous person, but the show he or she is on, feels like completely obvious cross-promotion bullshit.
Short version: The main story had a hugely disappointing view on Spratt and had a pile of shit for an ending (and, really, is there anyone who didn't call the baby twist (Also, Snow and Bigby already fucking did it). The follow-up wasn't a comic but a short story. The question responses were a bunch of cross-promotional bullshit.
Fables? We're done. I will recommend you up to The Good Prince and then recommend people buy the following trades to SET THEM ON FIRE.
Let's make a list, shall we?
1. The entire point of #100 was for Totenkinder and Mr. Dark to beat each other to a pulp, and while the battle was pretty badass, having it end with Totenkinder dying and just fucking LEAVING after Mr. Dark breaks through her box is just bad fucking story telling. She's leaving you say? The most powerful fucking witch in the Fables-verse is just wandering away because she fell in love with a guy while trying to figure out how to box Mr. Dark? Fuck that. And, of course, she does it pretty. She can't be her old woman self and get a hot, scarred guy. Nope, she's been down-aged to good looking. And she's leaving the fables to fend for themselves and fucking RUN from the guy she was SUPPOSED TO BEAT. Her epic fucking battle ended with the fables in the exact same circumstances they were before the battle. THE FUCK.
2. Moving from the good looking into more about good looking: Apparently the reason Nurse Spratt (of Jack and his wife fame) is such a huge bitch to everyone is because all the other women in Fabletown are hotties, and Spratt doesn't like it because she's fat, so she's hateful to everyone. Let me say this again: The reason Spratt is a bitch is because she's UGLY and doesn't like that other people are PRETTY. And I am flat-out disgusted with this. Fables has given its audience a collection of characters that are so much better defined then this. Why can't Spratt just be a bitch to be a bitch? Why does it have to be because she's a fattie and no one else is? This is lazy fucking writing.
3. When I read a comic, I want to read a comic. I do not want a six page story of fucking prose, okay? I can read prose all the time. I want to read and look at a comic, not just read a bunch of fucking text.
4. So, for it's 100th issue, the Fables's team decided to answer reader questions. They've done this before, and it's been cool. It gives you little mini-stories that are usually fun and kind of goofy. But this time? All the fans were famous people with something to plug. I'm not kidding. Apparently, Eddie Cahill from CSI: New York and some other people who are on television are fans, and while that's neat, answering ONLY questions from famous people pretty much shits on the entire fucking audience of the comic. Most of the people who read Fables are NOT famous people, and the repeated mention of not just the famous person, but the show he or she is on, feels like completely obvious cross-promotion bullshit.
Short version: The main story had a hugely disappointing view on Spratt and had a pile of shit for an ending (and, really, is there anyone who didn't call the baby twist (Also, Snow and Bigby already fucking did it). The follow-up wasn't a comic but a short story. The question responses were a bunch of cross-promotional bullshit.
Fables? We're done. I will recommend you up to The Good Prince and then recommend people buy the following trades to SET THEM ON FIRE.
